From Head to Paper

The character wants to live. While it still exists only in my head, it sets my hands in motion. Driven, I fetch paper, brush, pen, and all the inks.

Comic drawing. The little woman looks up into the air with a dreamy smile. She rests her head on one hand. A small heart is drawn above her head.

Ink illustration in the style of a comic drawing. The little woman in a polka-dot outfit holds a chicken in her hands. Drawn with pen and brush.

Comic drawing. The ink illustration shows the little woman with a polka dot outfit doing a handstand. She smiles.

Ink illustration for the category "Body Sketches". The little woman in a polka-dot outfit stands in front of a mirror. She places a hand on its surface and looks at her reflection. She asks, "Who are you?". The fine drawing is done with brush and pen.

– “Yes, yes, wait. Soon. Now we can start. What colour do you want, first of all?”

The character moves my hands quickly, and soon I have collected and sorted many small ink pots in front of me.

– “Yellow? Green? Gold-green? Yellow-green? Chick yellow? Tooth yellow? Formica yellow? Hmm… OK, that’s not quite my colour!”

– “But it is mine!”

I draw. The character, who still exists only in my head, is not satisfied at all.

– “I don’t look like that!”

– “I know that already.”

I draw.

– “Not like that!”

– “I knooooow. I’m just getting warmed up.”

– “So, what do you think of this?”

– “Not bad, but not good.”

– “That matches my feeling too. Tell me, what is your nose like? Pointed, round? Small, big?”

– “What my nose looks like is your job. Anyway, I am sweet, smart, playful, and simply happy all round.”

– “You are lucky.”

Then the big moment arrives. Silence in the head. I look at the picture. And I no longer know where the character is. In my head or on the paper?

– “Hey. Are you there?”

Silence. The character on the paper looks at me. It looks sweet, but not statuesque, smart, but not gifted, playful and happy anyway.

And green, very green it looks. I wonder how this gold-green – which on its worst days is simply just khaki and on its best days has a warm orange tint – will look on my website. But well… That wasn’t my decision.

It looks as if this character knows no worries. Inspiring.

– “I don’t know any either! That’s the idea, that I’m not like you!”

– “I agree with you. Oh and! Are you speaking again?”

Now I draw and draw. There will be many. Suddenly I no longer know where the real, the original, the true character stands.

– “Is that you?”

– “No.”

– “And this one?”

– “No.”

– “Where are you, my goodness!?”

– “That one has my nose, that one has my hands. Take my eyes here.”

The next day, in all freshness, crafting begins.

Then it happens again. Silence in the head. I think we are celebrating a birthday today.

– “Now we need a name for you. And what are you anyway? Woman, man? Child? All? Are you very young, very old? Both?”

But the character no longer speaks. It exists now only on the paper. And I can rest.

Life with this character has settled down. It is no longer so exciting, but still beautiful. Sometimes I think the character is not elegant enough. It seems a bit rough. It sometimes even looks silly. But wait. Am I a mother who loves unconditionally, or not?